Chief Science Correspondent
NOTE: Heavy sarcasm ahead. Keep that in mind while reading.
An Atlanta high school biology teacher recently came under fire for her lesson on creationism and evolution.
According one image from Anquinette Jones' Power Point, evolution is the work of Satan, leading to homosexuality, pornography, euthanasia, divorce, abortion and racism.
And she's completely right; evolution is the driving force behind all of humanity's biggest problems.
If evolution didn't exist, we wouldn't have homosexuality. As discussed in a previous Cennamology article, scientists have provided evidence that homosexual attraction could have a genetic link. You might argue that a person's sexual orientation is likely much more complex, encompassing genetics and their home environment.
But the personalities of a person's parents are also likely some mix of genetic predispositions and their home environments. Which was influenced by their parents' genetics and home environments... You can imagine where this is going.
Also, Obama "evolved" on gay marriage. You can't argue with that proof.
Research indicates that sexual reproduction evolved as a way to increase the diversity in a species, allowing for better overall survival. Now, sex, and sexual attraction that drives it, is what drives evolution in many species, including our own.
Without sexual attraction, there would be no need for porn. So it looks like evolution is to blame.
When a patient is suffering greatly from a terminal illness or condition, she or her family may request that the doctor put an end to her suffering. Euthanasia remains a very serious and controversial issue in our culture today. One of the most famous examples is the Terri Schiavo case.
Schiavo collapsed in her home from heart failure, suffering massive brain damage due to lack of oxygen. The nervous and cardiovascular systems are both a product of biological evolution. Had stable atmospheric conditions not led to the sophistication of the human brain, Schiavo would not have required oxygen to maintain her normal brain activity. All medical conditions can be ultimately linked back, in some way or another, to our evolution.
But why would a person feel compelled to be taken off, or take someone else off, of life support? Arguably, this decision is often based off emotions: compassion, or a complete loss of hope. It turns out that even our emotions are a result of evolution.
Where do I start? That sex, and the behavior behind it (as described in #2), is the result of biological evolution? Or that emotions (as explained in #3) are often, in some way or another, the leading cause of divorce? Scientists have even found evidence of a "cheating gene" that could predict infidelity.
(To be fair, divorce has been on the rise in recent years. And maybe that's not completely due to biological evolution. But human emotion, the drive to infidelity and mating rituals are definitely part of the cause.)
I'll admit this one is tricky; I doubt any scientist has ever found an "abortion gene." But everything, from the growing fetus to the emotions a woman experiences when she decides whether or not she wants to be a mother, is the result of evolution.
Developmental evolutionary biology is the reason that a human embryo is almost indistinguishable from a lizard or dog embryo. It's part of how scientists have come to better understand our evolution. And the non-human appearance is one of the arguments pro-choice activists use to distinguish a fetus from a human being. You can blame evolution for that.
Is it any surprise that the different human races are the result of evolution? No foreign races = no racism. It is evident that evolution is, once again, to blame here.
Believe it or not, there is some evidence that, in some rare cases, racism may have a genetic component. But even if it does turn out that racism is a learned behavior, there's still the fact that our personalities (once again, a mixture of genes and the environment), most likely play a role in the perception and acceptance of different types of people.
So in the end, it looks like evolution is the root cause of all our problems. Maybe evolution actually is the work of Satan. Every single tragedy within human history can be somehow traced back to the evolution of the first cell - even if by the simple nature of the fact that, were it not for evolution, no human being would exist.
Suddenly, the idealized world of creationism is looking better by the minute.